Today's Horoscope

A vital day is ahead with lots of energy and lots of action. You may feel very focused and even a bit radiant. Surround yourself with positive, up-beat people that will encourage you and not solicit your sympathetic emotions. Use your powers of self-expression wisely and creatively.

Not a bad day taking into account that I'm having my breast surgery this afternoon. Lots of action today, there's no doubt about that!

One more hour to kill and then I go to hospital...

Angel

I need an angel

Someone to watch over me

When all hope seems to run out

When there is no one to talk to

And nowhere I want to go

Maybe I need an angel

I search deep within myself

I hear a voice so soft and sweet

Soft wings of protection

To hold me when I'm scared

Warm arms to comfort me

I just need an angel

I need an angel

To chase away my fears and nightmares

To make things better

Through darkest hours and brightest days

My angel will see me through

I want someone to protect me

I just want an angel.

Quote of the Day

"It's impossible to find someone who will never hurt you, so go for the one who's worth all the pain."

Best Friend, Lover, Soul Mate

Today and always - beyond tomorrow - I need you beside me;

always as my best friend, lover and forever soul mate.

Breast Surgery

A couple of months ago my doctor detected a suspicious lump on my left breast. After a few exams it was obvious that it was not a simple cyst, so I did a biopsy in order to remove a sample of cells from my breast. I happen to have a kind of cyst where giant cells are growing inside; these giant cells degenerate and spread and later become cancerigenous. This means that the cyst and the tissue around has to be removed surgically and then sent for analysis. Once the tissue is removed, a doctor known as a pathologist will review the specimen and can tell if it is cancer or not.

Therefore, I will have a breast surgery next week, on May 31st.
It will be performed with a general anesthesia and I will probably stay at the hospital for a couple of days.

I confess I was depressed for a while and had my dark days, before knowing exactly what I had and what would happen. Even when I wanted to be strong about this and tried to be optimistic all the time, some bad thoughts went through my mind occasionally and there were times when I had some doubts and questions inside that needed to be answered.

I can say I'm in a good mood now, given the circumstances and I believe everything will go just fine. The doctor said that there's 90% of chances of not being breast cancer but a benign breast disease instead. I was lucky enough to detect this lump at a very early stage.
I am taking it as a small vacation in a 5 star hotel with room service and cable tv included. :)

Unfortunately there will be no postings for a few days as from next Wednesday but I will come back soon and stronger than before!

Younger women generally do not consider themselves to be at risk for breast cancer. Only 5 percent of all breast cancer cases occur in women under 40 years old. However, breast cancer can strike at any age, and all women should be aware of their personal risk factors for breast cancer.

Diagnosing breast cancer in younger women (under 40 years old) is more difficult because their breast tissue is generally denser than the breast tissue in older women. By the time a lump in a younger woman's breast can be felt, the cancer often is advanced.

Many women assume they are too young to get breast cancer and tend to assume a lump is a harmless cyst or other growth. Some health care providers also dismiss breast lumps in young women as cysts and adopt a "wait and see" approach.

Breast cancer happens when cells in the breast begin to grow out of control and can then invade nearby tissues or spread throughout the body. Although breast cancer may not be prevented, early detection and prompt treatment can significantly improve a woman's chances of surviving breast cancer. More than 90% of women whose breast cancer is found in an early stage will survive.

Walls

I don’t always put up walls to keep you all out…

But to find out who cares enough to break them down…

Scars

“What a collection of scars you have. Never forget who gave you the best of them, and be grateful, our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real.”

~ Hannibal Lecter ~

Solitude

When I need to escape the world
I turn to solitude for help
For it and I, we talk for hours
Of love, life and loneliness
Some may say I'm crazy
But solitude doesn't judge
Instead it will sit and listen
To all my thoughts and dreams
Though solitude can only stay a while
I make the best of our time
When solitude does leave me
Then it is time to meet reality

The Speed of Pain

THEY SLIT OUR THROATS
LIKE WE WERE FLOWERS
AND OUR MILK HAS BEEN
DEVOURED

WHEN YOU WANT IT
IT GOES AWAY TOO FAST
WHEN YOU HATE IT
IT ALWAYS SEEMS TO LAST
BUT JUST REMEMBER WHEN YOU THINK
YOU'RE FREE
THE CRACK INSIDE YOUR FUCKING HEART IS ME

I WANNA OUTRACE THE SPEED OF PAIN FOR ANOTHER DAY

~ Marilyn Manson ~

My Dear Friend

My dear friend, I miss you so much... I miss the days when we were inseparable, always happy even when we were sad. No one can understand or read me like you do. Sometimes I wish we could go back and revive all those moments at least once more. We were free, full of joy and happy with life.

Things change, years go by, people take different paths... As you once said, we drifted apart so many times but destiny always seems to find a way to bring us back together over and over again. I often think of you and I smile while remembering our crazy adventures. We've been through a lot together, you and I. :)

I just regret one time... when you most needed me and I was not there to support you, I was selfish and that still hurts deeply in my heart. I hope you can forgive me someday; I know I will never forgive myself.

I hope to see you soon, I'm still waiting for that coffee! ;)

This post is dedicated to you, my dearest friend Raquel.

You'll always have a special place in my heart...

Your Best Nightmare

Long after midnight, on a night like this
I'd sit by my blacklight and dream of your kiss
pulsating music filled my room and my head
and I dreamed what it'd be like to have you in my bed
I'm your best nightmare
And then it happened, you were in my arms
your lips on my throat
your hands on my, on my
two bodies together the intimate sin
the pain and the pleasure could do mortals in
how could you know what I'm thinking of
to me lust can be as beautiful as love
here tonight, your pure heart and soul
untainted passion should have no control
She asked me if I...
I told her the truth
I said "I'm sorry it takes me longer than you"
she smiled and blushed and continued to grind
and promised to make me go out of my mind
returning her promise she came to a halt
licking my lips I tasted her salt
then she sat up and gasped and clutched at her breast
I thought she was coming
I'd never have guessed that
as she grew pale, as white as a flower
she collapsed to the floor and was dead in an hour.

London After Midnight
All lyrics © Copyright Sean Brennan 1990-2006

Censorship

Censorship is the tool of those who have the need to hide actualities from themselves and others. Their fear is only their inability to face what is real. Somewhere in their upbringing they were shielded against the total facts of our experience. They were only taught to look one way when many ways exist.
~ Charles Bukowski ~

I just want to say that there is no such thing as censorship in this blog!

SSDD

SSDD is an acronym for "Same Shit Different Day".

I learned it while I was watching the movie Dreamcatcher (2003), it was written on the door in Jonesey's memory warehouse and written in the phone booth. It stayed in my mind and when you think of it, it can apply to several daily situations, it fits so well.

If you asked me how my day was today I would have answered SSDD...

Black Days

Darkness approaches

Once more I turn to melancholy

Turning in on myself

A period of introspection

Full of doubts

How will I find the light to guide me?

So long in the darkness

Isolated and alone

Time passes by

One empty day after another

What happens if I do nothing?

A slow decline

Still nothing has been achieved

A few small successes along the way

But is that enough to save me?

Fear of Spiders

Arachnophobia is defined as an inordinate fear of spiders. This phobia can often be triggered by the thought of or sometimes even a picture of a spider. A serious case of arachnophobia is much different than someone who doesn't like spiders. Many people who are afraid of spiders have feelings of panic entering into a situation where spiders may be present. Symptoms may include excessive sweating or clamminess, rapid breathing, rapid heartbeat, nausea and dizziness.

Often this fear is caused by an incident earlier in life which was frightening. People sometimes have the misconception that such a frightening event would have to be a long-lasting or memorable ordeal. Many people don't even remember the events which led to their phobia. The mind can create a phobia based on an instant of panic.



I don't know exactly if I have a phobia or not but I do know that I don't like spiders at all. I think it's related to an incident with spiders when I was just 4 years old and since then I don't feel confortable around them.

Spiders move quickly and give the impression they are after me... and besides that, they can be extremely ugly and frightening creatures.

Pandora

In Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman on earth. Zeus ordered Hephaestus, the god of craftsmanship, to create her and he did, using water and earth. The gods endowed her with many talents; Aphrodite gave her beauty, Apollo music, Hermes persuasion, and so forth. Hence her name: Pandora, "all-gifted".

When Prometheus stole fire from heaven, Zeus took vengeance by presenting Pandora to Epimetheus, Prometheus' brother. With her, Pandora had a jar which she was not to open under any circumstance. Impelled by her natural curiosity, Pandora opened the jar, and all evil contained escaped and spread over the earth. She hastened to close the lid, but the whole contents of the jar had escaped, except for one thing which lay at the bottom, and that was Hope.

Pandora also is the name of my precious and beautiful female dog, a black Labrador. I got her from a colleague who is a breeder and happens to be greek, therefore I thought the name Pandora was just perfect for her. She was born on December 3rd, 2004. This photo was taken on the first day in her new home with me, the proud owner, when she was just 7 weeks old. Isn't she beautiful? :P

Another photo a couple of days later when she was feeling more at home and was beginning to think she owned the place. :)


The first months were a real headache for me, she was a little destroyer, grabbing and chewing everything she could reach. But at the same time we had a great time together, except maybe that time when she chewed the tv's remote or my mobile phone!!!! Nevertheless I simply love the fact that she came into my life to make it more fun and wild and crazy... Even more because I was living alone and she was always my companion. You should see her at the beach, running like crazy, chasing balls, playing with other dogs, swimming in the water... This dog is the best in the world!!!! And it's not just because it's mine... :P

They grow so fast...

This photo was taken in June 2005 in Ericeira's apartment. We (my boyfriend and I) were sitting on the sofa and she was staring at us. At the beginning she was very jealous of my boyfriend but with time they became good friends. Of course he bribed her with food, and food is something a true Labrador never refuses. LOL

Mother's Day

Mom, this is dedicated to you, to let you know how much you are admired and how special you are!

Happy Mother's Day to you!

M - O - T - H - E - R

"M" is for the million things she gave me,

"O" means only that she's growing old,

"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,

"H" is for her heart of purest gold,

"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,

"R" means right, and right she'll always be,

Put them all together, they spell

"MOTHER"

A word that means the world to me.

The Story of Mother's Day

The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods.

During the 1600's, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday". Celebrated on the 4th Sunday of Lent (the 40 day period leading up to Easter), "Mothering Sunday" honored the mothers of England.

During this time many of the England's poor worked as servants for the wealthy. As most jobs were located far from their homes, the servants would live at the houses of their employers. On Mothering Sunday the servants would have the day off and were encouraged to return home and spend the day with their mothers. A special cake, called the mothering cake, was often brought along to provide a festive touch.

Ericeira

Let me tell you a little about the place where I used to spend my holidays as a child and then as a teenager. I have very good memories from this place and that's why I later decided to buy an apartment in Ericeira and that's where I was living alone (with my beautiful black Labrador female dog) for the past 2 years. I had the chance to make some good friends while living there too.

Now I live in Lisbon with my boyfriend in his apartment but kept the apartment in Ericeira for weekends and holidays. I miss the smell of the ocean and the beautiful sunsets I could watch from my balcony.

Now something about the village itself...

Ericeira is a fishing village 50 km (31 miles) northeast of Lisbon, 25 km (16 miles) from Sintra and 10 km (6 miles) from Mafra. It has the Atlantic Ocean as an eternal companion. It is an old village full of history, dating from the XII century, the architecture is of great quality and beauty, in both public and religious buildings.

Ericeira is famous for its beautiful beaches, located where the high cliffs of the rocky coast meet the Atlantic Ocean.

The fishermen's village of Ericeira with its ancestral uses and customs, offers the pleasure of the sea, tranquillity and a relaxing ambient.



And its fine seafood restaurants have made the village very popular as a place to enjoy an evening out with friends.

Walking down through the old village with its pictoresque painted houses and cobbled streets the visitor passes a variety of restaurants, all offering exceptional seafood menus.


It is also well known amongst the surfing community, who travel from around the world to take advantage of the powerful Atlantic waves that can be found here.

Untitled

WANDERING BEYOND THE LIGHT AND THE DARKNESS...
IN THE SHADOWS OF TWILIGHT...
IN THE MISTS OF A FORGOTTEN TIME...

WHERE DREAMS BECOME REAL
AND REALITY SEEMS JUST LIKE A PALE REFLECTION
OF THAT WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
BUT NEVER WAS...
THOUGH IT EXISTS FOREVER I FIND MY HOME.

Lacuna Coil

To My Someone Special

My soulmate and I celebrated today our first anniversary!!! It all started exactly one year ago and I sincerely hope this is just the first of many many years together... My soul has been awakened, my heart has been renewed, my mind and body satisfied, all because of YOU!

This first year was so divine that I wish to be at your side as long as forever.

I want to be the one that you kiss.
I want to be the one that you miss.

I want to be the one that you hug tight.
I want to be the one that you dream of at night.

I want to be there for the good and the bad.
I want to be there when you're happy or sad.

I want to be the one who gives you support.
But more than anything I just want to be
the one.